Lies beneath the surface

​I think I’ve been lying a little.

Not in the intentional kind of way, but in the way we sometimes keep telling an old story long after life has asked us to tell a new one.

I created this blog and titled it For the Love of Chaos because, for the longest time, it felt like the most honest thing I could say about my life. My world has always been full—four boys, sports schedules, laundry piles that seem to multiply overnight, dinner in shifts, forgotten water bottles, school papers, last-minute errands, and the kind of noise that somehow becomes its own version of comfort.

Chaos has always been the backdrop of my life.

And for a long time, I wore that title almost like a badge of honor.

Then for a season, life expanded.

More people under one roof.

More responsibility.

More fullness.

More moving pieces.

More love woven into the mess of everyday life.

Then that changed in the middle of last year.

And while so much shifted, the chaos itself never really disappeared.

It simply changed its face.

The kind of chaos I once shared became the kind I now carry more of on my own. The sports bags are still by the door. The dishes still somehow refill the sink before the day is over. The schedules still overlap. Summer is approaching, spring is already speeding everything up, and the pace of life feels like it is asking more from me than ever before.

The truth is, I still love our chaos.

I love the laughter from the next room.

The way the house never stays quiet for long.

The evidence of life being fully lived here.

But I’m also learning something new:

I love the quiet too.

The slower moments.

The stillness after dinner.

The peace of a kitchen finally reset.

The nights when everyone is settled and I can finally sink into the couch, turn on a show, and let myself breathe.

Lately, I’ve been realizing that the chaos feels heavier than it used to.

Maybe it’s because there are things I used to have help carrying that now sit solely on my shoulders.

Maybe it’s the season changing.

Maybe it’s because life is gently forcing me to face the things I can no longer keep on the back burner.

The truth is, there are still messes to clean up.

Not just in the house, but in life.

In routines.

In the corners of myself that I’ve neglected while making sure everyone else had what they needed.

And if I’m being honest, this season is teaching me something I don’t naturally like to lean into:

I need support too.

That truth is uncomfortable.

Asking for help has never been easy for me.

Sometimes even when I do ask, the help doesn’t come in the way I hoped.

But maybe growth looks like admitting I was never meant to do all of this alone.

I may be a health coach.

I may spend so much of my time helping others remember themselves.

I may remind people daily that small steps still matter.

But sometimes I need that reminder too.

Because in the middle of motherhood, business, work, healing, sports, spring schedules, summer prep, and the invisible labor that never makes it onto the list, I matter too.

Not every day is meant to be a productive masterpiece.

Some days, success is dinner on the table, everyone making it where they need to be, and giving yourself permission to leave the rest for tomorrow.

Some days, you finish the whole list and somehow still have enough energy to fold the laundry too.

Both days are worthy.

Both days count.

Both versions of you are doing enough.

Maybe that is what this chaos is trying to teach me now.

Not how to survive it.

Not how to control it.

But how to stop disappearing inside of it.

How to make space for myself in the life I work so hard to hold together.

So if your life feels loud right now, if your season feels heavy, if the list feels endless and your mind is moving faster than your body can keep up, let this be your reminder:

Take care of yourself too.

Let something stay unfinished.

Ask for help.

Choose rest without guilt.

Find one quiet moment and let it belong only to you.

For the love of chaos, do not forget yourself in the middle of everything you are carrying.

The list will still be there tomorrow.

But so should you.

Much love.